a big applause for hotdogs and relish, a shout out to the man, my bad impression of the community, respect for old ladies and young lads, yellow is the only color of mustard, i won’t see here anything, say hello to fashion, say? ‘hello’, there’s a lack of good ketchup, people are often absurd, learning lessons thru brute force, happy holiday, pick up some loose ends, all tied up, in love with, the right drive thru, a dozen sliders of the american burger, the marrow of an american, wrestlin’ foreign skin, lick your own tail, pipe, tobacco, stay interested in modern rock music, do what you want to do, happy birthday to ya, let the hour pass, it was too demanding.
So, recently I started growing a beard. To cap off that story, the beard I already had is pissed.
At the present time, my cat can be seen sleeping on my bed. I, however, sleep on my floor.
When my fan is turned on, it gets a boner.
I like the lights out when I have sex. If they come on I try to pull out before she sees me.
When I was in high school, I spent a lot of time trying to pick up girls. Once I managed to pick one up, I realized she was too fat to be used as sex slave.
I shave my pubic hair to fill out my beard.
I grew up wanting kids. When I was in my first relationship, I knew I wanted kids. Once I got married, I still wanted kids. I searched the internet until I found my answer. I was a sex offender.
If someone has sex in your bed and you walk in afterwards, ask if they mind if you do a sniff-n-check to see if you should change the sheets.
I was sitting on the back porch of my old new friends new old house, stoned and smoking a cigarette with inspired avoidance. I don’t like people, they have needs and talk about nothing in particular passionately. Maybe I was just stoned. A sturdy glass mug that looked like it ought to be frothy sat over the horizon of my folded knees, indifferently full of water. I must have forgotten it existed numerous times because I thirsted in agony during most of what I remember on that day. As is usual when I’m rendered in the useless state, I tried to write something. It was stupid and paranoid. I went with my mug back inside.
I regretted it immediately. I was in the middle resisting the preemptive regret for my next eventual step when I stumbled into a noisy room full people huddled on a bed. Their words hung lifeless in the air on mellow smoke swirled by the ceiling fan. I didn’t say anything and crouched upright in their peripheral. As their words cradled the haze, I uttered wordless breath. They were all talking about themselves at once and I reminded myself how little I cared. This trinket someone found on the floor meant blah to him or her and there was shit lying everywhere. I figured it could go on all day. Maybe it did, I don’t know.
I was walking out the front door of my newish friends newish house when I realized I had done this before. A hundred times over, bored in terms strikingly repetitious. I sat down in my old car, the engine turned over and I left without saying goodbye. I felt very tired.
If it’s been too long, I understand.
Although we both realize that this length of time will mean very little in years to come.
If there happens to be a hole, I don’t want you to feel ill.
Addiction is the thing I know best.
If you need to feel as well:
speak, there’s nothing I can do to help.
All I ask is that you remember you were complete.
And a word to the wise:
to condense your journey
start drinking early
and have a wild morning
Up here kickin’ it in the cubicle, wishing I could be in ******. Things must be good there. Here’s good too, but it’s a transient environment. It’ll be nice to be back home in a few weeks, and go out to Big Bend. Gonna do some BBQ this weekend I think (which we need to do when I’m home), then go hang out at the pool. I like the jumbo jenga, it doesn’t look quite deadly enough though… My roommate got ten pounds of Haribo gummies through the mail the other day, he’s a psycho. That’s nice that this blog is still kickin, it really needs to get a full scale revival though, sometime later, so we can be like the guys from The Social Network: “Your site got twenty two hundred hits on the first day” [Look disapproving] “Thousand…” [Pause for effect] “Twenty two thousand hits.” No, but really that movie looks pretty good.
We decided to combine our vices. We decided there was nothing worse than just being gone. We had been gone for years facing the tolerant hold. Hiding out in the hole, digging through and digesting pictures of us but less old. Now we know that there was nothing worse than fighting that curve, sink below the line between. I read it on a photo at my grandmothers house, it said: “Go Out And Spread Vicious Glee.”